October 11th

(I originally wrote this post last October 11th, 2011. I posted it, and then shortly had stage fright and pulled it.  It's back.)

October 11th:

Yesterday was just another Monday, just another day on the calendar.

But for me, it will always be a day marked in my mind in a special way. There was a particular

October 11th that was supposed to be amazing in a baby kind of way, adding a sibling, a daughter to our family. December 23 is that kind of day too, where two more babies were to be here. But after ultrasounds, seeing and counting heartbeats, tests and disappointments, none of these children were to be with us here on earth.

I don't always think of our losses on these particular days; we don't mark the days as anything special, and enough time has gone by that the knife-dged sharp pains are gone. I'm not over it, but I have embraced life as it is now, and I am thankful every day for the child I am blessed with, and never take a day of him for granted.

But I do think of them often. I have the ultrasound photos tucked away as proof that they did exist, and they did. The do. They always will. But not in a painful way.

So why do I post this? For every one doing after me. For those who are experiencing that sharp pain now. For those who will. For those of you that haven't, but will know someone who has or will. For preparation, for education, for warmth and hugs and understanding.

You may know someone who....
-- isn't excited about coming to your baby shower right now;
-- who doesn't seem so excited about your kids;
-- who doesn't think your kids are quite as amazing as you do;
-- who doesn't want to ooh and aah over your baby photos;
-- who just doesn't seem, in some way you can't figure out, quite right.

Stop and think: are they childless? Even if they seem completely happy and over the top with their life, travel at the drop of a hat, are completely enthralled with their DINK* life?   Do they an "only"** child, or children that are spaced very far apart? I could go on, but I hope you get the idea. You just don't know. Someone you know, love, and feel like you know everything about may be dealing with the stress and grief of pregnancy loss or infertility.

We did an amazing job of living our lives and being happy during the fifteen years we didn't have children; we shocked some people (even close people, family) when we did have a child. We hid it, by choice, because it was easier in a lot of ways. So even if you are completely sure you know your best friend, sister-in-law, person you pass in the hallway at work or church, you may not.
So I write this for a few reasons: to raise awareness, educate, answer questions to which there are no easy answers. Just be aware.

So what should you do? Depends. Not sure. There aren't any easy answers or ways to help. Each person is different. I know, that isn't a lot of help, but that will take another post on another day.

Today I just want to meditate on the issue of "maybes". Maybe you have been here. Maybe a friend has or is right now. Maybe? Think. Be gentle. Be aware. Be kind. You never know what the person next to you is really going through.

And for those of you visiting wanted more of a "nails" than "Mom" type of post
today, hang on. Tomorrow is coming. The hammer and paint brush are coming out.

*(double-income-no-kids)

I'm linking up today with "Inspiration Friday" atAt the Picket Fence.

** only children, a term I hate, and am in a search to find a replacement.  Ideas? Please share!